The road from break-up to recovery can be endless until you take some actions and put a stop to it, so in the meantime you have to be prepared for some difficult times ahead. It will get bumpy, but keep telling yourself that the storm will pass and you will get through it, you’ll know yourself better and you’ll come out stronger. Remember, don’t blame yourself when a relationship ends. With that said, it is also an undeniable fact that it always takes two to tango for all the good and bad things that happen. It might also be a good idea to let your family and friends know what is going on in your life so that they understand if you’re fragile and don’t think you’re being off with them.
The Post Break-Up stages are very normal because it is what we feel that makes us, HUMAN.
Stage 1: SHOCK
When the break-up happens, you are going to feel as if you have been defeated experience shock.
This feeling is a natural protective mechanism that actually helps us to deal with situations and helps up to heal later on. During the night you might have momentarily shock and adrenaline rush, but you try to put the break-up out of your mind. You may find it hard to get out of the bed when this happens due to the grief that you are experiencing. However, you have got to find the strength to face the day again. It’s important you surround yourself with cheerful people who care for you during this phase.
Yet, there are moments of clarity and you know it somewhere. You are likely swing back and forth between foggy disbelief, confuse, moment by moment rediscovery of your loss, and flashes of painful clarity of the break-up.
The pain, disorganization, and confusion may be all you think about, or talk about. But initially, you remain driven to understand what happened. The desperation to make sense of something so jarring compels you to debate with the people around you about why the relationship ended, while you may justify the reasons it shouldn’t have, as if convincing them it is equal to convincing your ex.
Stage 2: DENIAL
You don’t believe that this is happening! You feel like you cannot live without your ex. It feels like you’ve invested everything you have into this relationship. It’s been your world, your life, and nothing else interests you anymore. You just can’t accept that it’s actully over. You fantasize on every last hope into salvaging the relationship, even at the expense of your well-being, you just want your ex back. However, you postpone your need to grieve its end, because it’s just too painful to face. You actually temporarily derail the grieving process by replacing it with unrealistically inflated hope that the relationship can still be salvaged. This can take anything from a few days to a few weeks.
If you were the one who was dumped, you may find yourself asking yourself if this really happened and struggling to accept the inevitable. You may though of giving your ex time hoping that (s)he actually made a mistake for leaving you, maybe there has been a misunderstanding, not all is lost, etc etc and the lists go on.. Which may not true in most cases, usually the dumper had gone through these stages before (s)he leaves you.
Please take note: If you keep harbouring delusions of getting back together with your ex, you’ll only make it harder on yourself and slow down the healing process. You have to let go if you want your ex to come back to your side. If (s)he does not come back, then let go. It means this relationship is not meant to be.
Stage 3: ANGER
As things go south, the opposite of love which is hate arrises. Not only you hate your ex, but there are times that you hate yourself too. You lose your sanity and become irrational, just as you lose your rational when you fall in love.
You run the past shared and the future planned over and over in your head endlessly, making your ex the bad person. You want to prove your ex as a selfish sulk up person, you hate your ex in order to cope better, and this is a natural reflex.
However, understand that It is completely normal to be angry at your former partner. It is important that you don’t act rashly which you may later regret.
Stage 4: DEPRESSION
There will come a stage when you feel sad and self pity. This stage is crucial in your grieving because you will come to terms with the fact that the situation is not going to change, and your natural defend system will help you to move on by feeling every inch of the pain. This is also a time for reflection. You may want to be alone. However, it is very beneficial to rely on your support system such as your family and BFF to keep you distracted from your grief. Don’t rely on drugs and alcohol as these can be destructive and only prolong your depression, so try eat well, sleep well, exercise and most importantly, try to love yourself. I know it may be hard to do right now, but eventually you will realize the best way to move on and be happy again are by losing yourself and treat yourself well.
It is completely normal if you doubt your self-worth. You may thick you’re not attractive, ugly, stupid, not good enough. This may not be true because sometimes it has nothing to do with you at all. This kind of self-flagellation will get you nowhere, so try your best to snap out of it because your former partner was attracted to you in the first place so stop telling yourself you’re worthless! In time you’ll understand why it all went wrong and accept it. And remember this! You’re one step closer to finding the love of your life.
Stage 5: ACCEPTANCE
This is a time when you accept that the relationship is over. Things have changed and (s)he is not coming back, and a new page is turning in your life. You finally accept your pain and grief and knowing that you have to be strong for the days to come and learn.
This is also one of the longest and most painful stages in the healing process, but remember that accepting the split and accepting your pain is a vitally important part of healing and it means you’re on the way to getting over him. Remember, the happy days will come without you knowing it and by then, you will have already moved on and ready to love again.
it’s natural to harbor a place in your heart for loved ones. Special relationships make you who you are. The pain may not be gone completely yet, but time will heal those wounds. You know you are in a better place when you are able to wish your former partner a good life and wellness in heart.
Stage 6: RECONSTRUCTION
Bit by bit, your wounds start to heal. The broken pieces start to fade.
Of course the scars are still there, but you learn to live with them. You stop doubting yourself and beating yourself up, you accept why it happened and you think about how your life is going to pan out and what the future holds.
You find your hopes and desires coming back again and you want to discover new things and finally you are back to your own self. Life seems to be bright and sweet again and welcomes you with open arms.
Stage 7: COMPASSION
It’s not just the one who was dumped is going through a hard time. Deciding to leave someone is a horrible decision to have to make and it’s never made lightly. It requires a lot of thought, courage and determination because no one likes to make someone else suffer, let alone someone whom they have loved and probably still do in a way.
This is why the dumper can be plagued with guilt. The decision has been taken and there’s a reason why they want to be firm about their decision and be tough. Sometimes, when you have a lot of respect and affection for someone, it’s easier to stay than it is to leave. But this equals one person’s sacrifice for another’s comfort, and it is obviously unfair and it will never work.
The final stage in the healing process for people are finding compassion and understanding for their ex. After months or years, you will be ready to see him socially again and hopefully stay on good terms.
Remember, what doesn’t kill you always make you stronger and sometimes we are put into tests in order to learn, and hopefully, we will be a better person for the one.
Thank you for reading. Please Share this article to someone who is trying to move on if you find this useful.